Paying the Price
3/9/22 I pay the price when I do unhealthy things to myself. Alone in my room, I reminisce about the past and what I'm missing. Am I where I should be? The silence is so loud that I can hear my thoughts screaming in my ears. Can I meet myself halfway? I dream of the future and divulge my darkest secrets, hoping it will make a difference. Maybe it's wishful thinking, but it's never really over until it is. And when it is, I am left feeling empty. But I choose to believe anyway because I can't go back to the way it was. I choke on the smoke from the fire that I started, but now it's out and I'm left wandering in the ashes looking for my way forward. Life wants something I don't think I can give, yet I give it anyway. The water floods the ashes away while I swim, trying not to drown in my secrets. Can I carry my own weight for long enough to push my way through the tide? I have trouble breathing. I feel tired, depleted. My will to survive is stronger than the ...